Monday, December 17, 2007

Monday, Monday...

Good morning everyone. I promise that I'll soon get back into my habit of stamping all weekend so I have things to share all week. But right now between moving offices at work (today we unpack at the new office) and trying to get ready for the holidays...I just don't have the time on the weekends to stamp like I'd like to.

I did create a wonderful project last night at the CTMH gathering. And I'll be sharing pictures of that at some point this week (need to put on a few finishing details before it's ready for it's "unveiling" LOL!)

In the meantime, I thought I'd share something near and dear to my heart. December (and the holidays) aren't always happy times for all people. I try very hard for my kids' sake to at least put on the pretense of the expected emotions of the season. But sometimes it's a struggle. Does that sound "bah humbug" to you? Well, let me explain.

First off, I lost a baby to miscarriage on December 23rd many years ago - my first baby. Then 11 years ago at Christmas I was pregnant with triplets with dreams of future Christmas's dancing in my head. By the following Christmas I had one surviving baby...not three. My daughters died at 2 days and 15 days of age. The same year my triplets were born - my mom died. She spent her last Christmas in the hospital. So, at the time of year when we are supposed to be surrounded by family and friends I see these gaping holes in my life that can never be filled by other people. I do try. I "adopt" a child each year and buy presents for them (and pick one that would be my daughters' age). I also often "adopt" a senior and do the same thing for them in my Mom's honor. Right after my daughters passed away - my sisters-in-law brought me two bear angel ornaments (I collected Cherished Teddies at the time). Each year those go on the tree. My Dad went to a ceremony after my Mom had passed away and he got a ornament ball and wrote my Mom's name on it. I have that now (Dad passed away 2 1/2 years ago) and I've also bought another bear ornament - except this one is a soldier bear (my Dad was a WWII Army Ranger). Anyways, I wanted to share a couple things (with that all in mind).

My Mom Is A Survivor

My Mom is a survivor,
or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear her crying at night
when all others are in bed.

I watch her lay awake at night
and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her
to help her understand.

But like the sands on the beach
that never wash away...
I watch over my surviving mom,
who thinks of me each day.

She wears a smile for others...
a smile of disguise!
But through Heaven's door I see
tears flowing from her eyes.

My mom tries to cope with death
to keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows
it is her way to survive.

As I watch over my surviving mom
through Heaven's open door...
I try to tell her that angels
protect me forevermore.

I know that doesn't help her...
or ease the burden she bears.
So if you get a chance, go visit her...
and show her that you care.

For no matter what she says...
no matter what she feels.
My surviving mom has a broken heart
that time won't ever heal.

(By Kaye Des'Ormeaux
October 15, 1998
Dedicated to the mothers who have
lost a child & have somehow survived.)

Go, hug your loved ones. And come back tomorrow for something fun (I promise!)



Tracey said...

Jane that poem is so sad. Sorry to hear that you have and are still having a hard time
Take care

Tammy said...

Jane, so sorry to read about your loss. I totally understand as we lost our daughter, 3 years ago, 6 months and 10 days after she came home from the orphanage. She would have been 5 this year.....

Here is wishing you some peace during the holiday season........

SBS4 sister

Littlekel90 said...

Ohhh, Jane. That was so touching. I know (only a little of how you feel), as I lost my grandmother around this time of year. I cannot pretend to understand your loss over your precious daughters, but your story definitely touched my heart. May God bless you and your family this Christmas season! :) Kelly

Suzanne said...

Jane I'm sorry about your losses! I know how hard losing a child is we lost a pregnancy 6 years ago.